November, 2009
by Denise P. Kalm, DPK Coaching and CA, Inc.
Denise Kalm has 30 years experience in IT including application programming, enterprise systems management and performance management/capacity planning at Pacific Telephone and Bank of America. She moved to vendor land in 2000, spending 5 ½ years with BMC on the EPA product line, then recently became the senior product marketing manager for enterprise job scheduling products at CA, Inc., formerly Cybermation. She is a regional officer of CMG, has held many volunteer positions within that organization and is a frequent contributing author. Prior to entering the IT profession, she was a biochemical geneticist. Her hobbies include flying, Jazzercise, writing and scuba diving. Her book, Lifestorm, on the Oakland Hills fire, is available on Amazon. She is an executive and personal coach as well, offering phone and in-person coaching.
About the Author
Denise P. Kalm, CA, Inc. formerly Cybermation
Too often, we rely on tips from friends, our past experience or just "what works on us" when we try to influence others. Even when we have hierarchical power, influence always reaps better results and responses, but how do you make it work every time? Robert Cialdini , Regent's Professor of Psychology and Marketing spent 30 years studying this subject; here are a few principles he determined were reliable and proven. His ideas are more fully described in his book, "Influence Science and Practice," a great resource for those interested in delving deeper into the subject. But even for those who are "from Missouri" (skeptical), try it - you may find you like it.
It turns out that many people don't understand why they make decisions. But if you can access the factors that sway a decision, you can use that knowledge to get to "yes" much more easily and consistently. But Cialdini notes that influence must only be used in an ethical manner; though it may work at first, a lack of integrity or honesty on your part may forever doom your interactions with the other party in the negotiation. "Once bitten, twice shy." People have long memories.
The Principles:
1. Reciprocation - If you want something from someone, first do something for them. Just like a old fashioned set of scales, people instinctively feel the need to even things out. If you do something for them, it causes an imbalance. Anxiety is relieved when they can respond positively to you. When I want to team up on writing an article with someone, I do the first draft, with their name already on it. I have made it easy to say yes because they already can see themselves winning in this instance. So they are happy to edit and add content to something they already feel they own.
2. Social proof - When a question arises about how to act in a situation, when a person is unsure, they look to peers to see how they responded. If you need someone to do something, it helps if others just like them are already doing it. This is probably why asking just one team member repeatedly to take night and weekend hours breeds resentment, where spreading the "pain" is often better tolerated. No one likes the intrusion into their personal time, but when "everyone is doing it," it's easier to go along. This technique has been popularly used for many years when corporations organized to get employees to volunteer or donate money to a cause. Hearing peers describe their commitment can move others to join in.
3. Commitment and Consistency - Most people will honor a commitment they make. The trick is to get them to commit verbally or in writing. Implied commitment (lack of response) is never as powerful. When getting a team together for a project, don't assume they are on board simply because they are there. Ask for the commitment.
4. Liking - When someone likes you, they are more apt to say yes. Liking doesn't necessarily mean deep knowledge of a person; it can be because of perceived shared characteristics, because your smile seems genuine or because you compliment them. Note: this is one area where insincerity or dishonesty can do you in. As good as you may have made them feel, the negative response will be many times greater when they discover you haven't been honest or open with them. This is one area where "Social Styles" comes in.[1] Even if you do not share a "style" with someone, your understanding of their style and their needs can improve your likeability and your success.
5. Authority - When you are operating without political authority (status), your requests can take on more authority when you cite outside references. Imagine proposing a way of managing a system and being able to cite that Gartner recommended your solution as leading edge in their Magic Quadrant. Use a before and after story from the news to highlight risk and reward in your proposal. Though we would all like to be seen as having serious technical chops, people often look for consensus opinions and outside authorities.
6. Scarcity - People value what they can't have or what is at least very scarce. When evaluating options, people tend to overweight the risk of loss relative to the probability of gain. How can you use this? When you are trying to get people to join a team or project, make sure that you tell them that you can't take everyone who might apply. The scarcity makes people more interesting in testing a new solution, working on a new project, taking a risk with you. It is also a way to approach a manager with a request. Focus on what makes you unique (scarce). What do you do better than anyone else? This doesn't mean grandstanding or threatening to leave. But if you are clear on what makes you special, the scarcity of that skill (or skills) makes you more valuable and that personal knowledge helps you lead with strength.
The power of influence is far more valuable than the power of authority or status because in the latter case, there is the element of duress, which people basically do not like. Use influence to build and improve relationships AND to get what you want.
Stay tuned for another edition of "Your Career Coach.
[1] Social Styles http://www.tracomcorp.com/