February, 2008
by Denise P. Kalm, DPK Coaching and CA, Inc.
Denise Kalm has 30 years experience in IT including application programming, enterprise systems management and performance management/capacity planning at Pacific Telephone and Bank of America. She moved to vendor land in 2000, spending 5 ½ years with BMC on the EPA product line, then recently became the senior product marketing manager for enterprise job scheduling products at CA, Inc., formerly Cybermation. She is a regional officer of CMG, has held many volunteer positions within that organization and is a frequent contributing author. Prior to entering the IT profession, she was a biochemical geneticist. Her hobbies include flying, Jazzercise, writing and scuba diving. Her book, Lifestorm, on the Oakland Hills fire, is available on Amazon. She is an executive and personal coach as well, offering phone and in-person coaching.
About the Author
Denise P. Kalm, CA, Inc. formerly Cybermation
How often do you find yourself trying to influence someone? Or ask for a favor or for some help? We've all know that person everyone wants to help, the one who can persuade. How do they do it? It isn't a gene for luck. Simply, it is the power of understanding WIIFM.
WIIFM is "what's in it for me." So often, when we seek help or seek to persuade, we are too focused on what we need or want. We have marshaled arguments but our frame is too narrow. The stereotypical example is the case of the young man applying for a job. When asked why he should be selected, he responds, "Because I need the money." Most of us would never make such an obvious mistake, but often, we forget the basic rule - people tend to do what is in their own best interest. If we don't understand this fact of human nature, we will be less successful in our interactions. Instead of saying we need the money, we make a similar kind of mistake, saying perhaps that we really want to work on a SOA project or we would love to have a chance to do something with Oracle. These goals are important, but they do not close the deal. They are about you, not the person you are trying to persuade.
The challenge is to step into the other person's shoes and this requires more than simply imagining what you would want - you aren't them. You need to get some understanding of their needs and challenges, so you can tailor your response. Many couples run into this problem, early in a relationship. They buy a gift for the other that they think the loved one should want, because they don't know enough about what they do want.
The "rewards", the WIIFM, are as individual as the person and can be immediate or longer range. Though our society tends to think in terms of tangible rewards - things - successful WIIFM masters understand the power of the intangible. You don't have to be a trained psychologist; the key is curiosity.
Sometimes, it is easier to see by example. A common one is the big move, where you are trying to get some help and avoid the huge expense of hiring a moving company. Consider who you might ask, eliminating those who aren't physically up to it or for whom it would present a real hardship. This is the first step to wearing their shoes. Your need is no less important than their status. Next, consider what tasks you really need help with and which match up to skills the person already has. We tend to enjoy being recognized and appreciated for what we do well. Perhaps one person might organize the project, ensuring that everything gets done on time. Another might be great at packing, ensuring that you can find your belongings when you unpack. By considering their abilities and skills first, you refocus the conversation. The request should be made in an appreciative way - You are so terrific at X; would you mind helping me? Watch out for cues that you have a mis-match. When someone demurs, this may indicate it is something they cannot do or don't feel good about helping with. If you just want grunt labor, make sure you are in there helping too. No one wants to feel as if their good will is being taken for granted. Finally, consider what you have done for them, and whether in a similar circumstance, you would be willing to help in the same way. Are you always the requestor and never the helper? If you won't drive someone to the airport, consider whether you should be asking for that kind of help.
People do enjoy feeling useful, but if the task is something they really hate, or don't feel they can do well, there is little in it for them. When you get grudging assent, check this out. People do like to help, but make it something they can feel really good about. When you do get assistance, be very specific in your thanks. Tell them what it means to you.
"Your organizational skills really took the stress out of the move for me. Thank you."
A situation requiring more persuasion than a specific request would be a job interview. Many people come into this negotiation as a suitor, seeing their job as convincing the other how great they are. Of course, many people have gotten jobs this way, but in a competitive market, that strategy may well leave you in second place. As a suitor, you put the employer in the position of control; it is your job to convince them. Instead, view it for what it really is - a negotiation between equals. You offer your experience, skills and knowledge; they offer a paycheck, benefits and interesting work. In this instance, the "win" for an employer is getting someone hired who fits their needs - not making you happy with specifics of an offer.
So what do employers really desire? We hire people we like, people we can envision "on the team." Your first job is to give them the gift of being listened to, building rapport and trust. Most employers also value being proven right. You have to help them see how they can be right about you. Interviewing skills are a larger topic, but these few tips can help you persuade. Ask questions - find out what is in it for them. Just a shift in your mindset going into the interview might be enough to differentiate you from the pack.
Given that we all suffer from subconscious WIIFM ourselves, it is interesting that we don't anticipate it and expect it in others. Try it and see if you aren't more successful in negotiations. Win:win is not just a cliché - it is the successful balancing of WIIFM between parties at the deepest level.